Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Hello girls. It's been a while since I've even looked at this page, much less wrote on it. Can you believe that it's already May 2004, and that the year is nearly halfway over? Talk about changes. Karen's going to HK this summer and I will miss you terribly... Carrie is making her seasonal trip to NYC again... and Janet, you are still in NZ. My changes need no explanation I think, what with baby on the way.
I might disappear for the summer months. where to? I do not know. Just need to get away from Cerritos and try to remember what things were like before all this started. Sometimes I really wonder if I can do this on my own. It would be so easy and it would make me so happy to break down and talk to M. again whenever I felt down or hopeless. It would be nice to get calls from him here and there, asking how I am and everything. But I made it pretty clear that I didn't want to talk to him anymore, last week. I don't know if I did the right thing. We're going to have to face each other again eventually, won't we? I don't want to give up, but I had to.
There are times when I just feel like the weight of the world is lying on my chest and I cannot breathe. Isn't it awful how not only our hearts but our bodies, our very flesh will betray the only part of us that really knows what is for the best, our minds?
I might disappear for the summer months. where to? I do not know. Just need to get away from Cerritos and try to remember what things were like before all this started. Sometimes I really wonder if I can do this on my own. It would be so easy and it would make me so happy to break down and talk to M. again whenever I felt down or hopeless. It would be nice to get calls from him here and there, asking how I am and everything. But I made it pretty clear that I didn't want to talk to him anymore, last week. I don't know if I did the right thing. We're going to have to face each other again eventually, won't we? I don't want to give up, but I had to.
There are times when I just feel like the weight of the world is lying on my chest and I cannot breathe. Isn't it awful how not only our hearts but our bodies, our very flesh will betray the only part of us that really knows what is for the best, our minds?
