Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Wow. Well first of all, thank you girls for being there for me during this trying time of male fire. Sure guys are dumb and boys can really hurt us sometimes, but I almost feel sorry that they don't have close friends that they can turn to in their time of need, to laugh with and comfort them. Instead they sit around and sing the blues...
I've realized a couple of things about R that perhaps I didn't see before. First is that R and I most likely had different expectations of one another from the get-go, probably stemming from how well we clicked from the beginning. Not only did he expect me to be as conservative and virtuous as he was, I expected him to be as liberal and free spirited as I was. Neither of us belong to the far extremes but I find myself dogmatic, stubborn, and unwilling to change. I take to heart all the experiences in my life that have made me the way I am today. Changing feels like betraying myself.
Do people ever really change, or is life one big compromise... and do i care to be part of it?
Secondly he is very used to getting his way and is extremely stubborn. It's to the point where I don't think he really listens to what I am saying or thinks that he has to. If he gets an idea in his head on how to fix a problem of ours, of which there are too many to count, he's absolutely adamant that it will work. Somehow he relates a lot of our problems to my lack of O! As if my O! had anything to do with why we fight! It's ridiculous and I keep telling him that its ridiculous, that the fact that we're 350 miles apart from each other makes sex pretty irrelevant... but he's utterly convinced that he's stumbled upon the epiphany of a lifetime, and well this is really gonna help... I'm afraid his fantastic ideas of what I need will eventually transmorgify into delusional fantasies that wedge a gap between the two of us being happy.
I've been at the breaking point several times within the last four days. I'm so tired of working at our relationship and trying to make him happy, but I care about the guy and for now I can't help swallowing as much of it down as I can. Should love be so difficult? You are all very right. It's time I put my foot down and let him know that it's my way or the highway! No, I'm kidding but seriously now... If he starts comlaining one more time about anything remotely unfair, i have to let him have it, or "squash him like an ant" as Karen put it. After all, i can't be responsible for making him happy all the time, and he has to see that.
Alright, that's all for tonight. Anyone read a good book lately?
I've realized a couple of things about R that perhaps I didn't see before. First is that R and I most likely had different expectations of one another from the get-go, probably stemming from how well we clicked from the beginning. Not only did he expect me to be as conservative and virtuous as he was, I expected him to be as liberal and free spirited as I was. Neither of us belong to the far extremes but I find myself dogmatic, stubborn, and unwilling to change. I take to heart all the experiences in my life that have made me the way I am today. Changing feels like betraying myself.
Do people ever really change, or is life one big compromise... and do i care to be part of it?
Secondly he is very used to getting his way and is extremely stubborn. It's to the point where I don't think he really listens to what I am saying or thinks that he has to. If he gets an idea in his head on how to fix a problem of ours, of which there are too many to count, he's absolutely adamant that it will work. Somehow he relates a lot of our problems to my lack of O! As if my O! had anything to do with why we fight! It's ridiculous and I keep telling him that its ridiculous, that the fact that we're 350 miles apart from each other makes sex pretty irrelevant... but he's utterly convinced that he's stumbled upon the epiphany of a lifetime, and well this is really gonna help... I'm afraid his fantastic ideas of what I need will eventually transmorgify into delusional fantasies that wedge a gap between the two of us being happy.
I've been at the breaking point several times within the last four days. I'm so tired of working at our relationship and trying to make him happy, but I care about the guy and for now I can't help swallowing as much of it down as I can. Should love be so difficult? You are all very right. It's time I put my foot down and let him know that it's my way or the highway! No, I'm kidding but seriously now... If he starts comlaining one more time about anything remotely unfair, i have to let him have it, or "squash him like an ant" as Karen put it. After all, i can't be responsible for making him happy all the time, and he has to see that.
Alright, that's all for tonight. Anyone read a good book lately?
